Infant Loss & Grieving

Mother’s Day Without You

GrievingInfant Loss / May 9, 2016 /

Today is hard.  I never thought you wouldn’t be here for our first Mother’s Day together.  I was not planning on acknowledging today.  I never intended to get out of bed today, but your daddy softly and gently told me last night, “he deserves you to celebrate Mother’s Day for him”.

You deserve me to honor you and celebrate being your mommy.   I celebrated you today, I cried for you today, I cried a lot.  I wished you were here.  Today doesn’t feel right without you.  Celebrating without you doesn’t feel right.  You are the reason I am a mommy, it’s not natural to not have you here with me.

I can’t help but think back to this time last year when I was so excited to meet you, being so excited to finally be able to celebrate Mother’s Day as a mom-to-be… never in a million years thinking that you would be gone.  This time around is different for me.  I don’t look too far into the future.  I take things step-by-step, moment-to-moment.  There is no anticipation because I know more than most how quickly your greatest joy can become your worst heartbreak.

As hard as today was, please know I tried my hardest to celebrate being your mommy the best I could today.  Because you deserve the world from me.  Mommy loves you my angel.