MyHeartWarriorAngel

Infant Loss & Grieving

Monthly Archives : February 15, 2016

Fake It Until You Make It

healing / February 15, 2016

I hear people using this phrase: “fake it until you make it”.  I’ve always heard it from actors and musicians.  I never thought I would turn into a “fake it until you make it” sort of person.  But this has been my life since Ryan left this earth.  I learned quickly about the “mask”.  I put my mask on religiously every morning before stepping out of bed- when it comes off is a different story.  I would like to think I can wait until the end of my work day to take it off, but I simply don’t seem to have as much control of the removal of my mask. People …..

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Blindsided

healing / February 11, 2016

Have you ever been blindsided?  I thought I had been in the past… I was wrong.  I know a whole different meaning the the word blindsided.  I am a black and white person.  There has always been very little grey in my life. In those 20 weeks leading up to the birth of my son I had put my faith and trust in those doctors.  They told me while my sons heart condition was severe enough to need possible intervention, they were always so positive… yet vague.  They used words like “possibly”, and “just to be ahead of it”.  I was very black and white in my appointments.  I learned early on …..

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Jaded

healing / February 1, 2016

In my last post I used the word “jaded” and it stuck with me.  A pretty accurate word to describe me.  My life has been easy, with chapters of darkness.  I was raised in a good wholesome family with good wholesome values.  My parents remained in a loving marriage until a day in May my father became very ill with Leukemia.  He passed away that November. Jaded Point #1. Losing your father at 18 is very hard to explain.  As a senior graduating high school and becoming a freshman in college I had so many different things rolling around in my head.  I loved my father, I was worried about …..

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