Infant Loss & Grieving

Ryan’s Sky

GrievinghealingInfant Loss / January 13, 2016 /

As I finish up my work day, I can’t help but glance out the window at my desk.  I am looking at the sky.  I see my sweet Ryan when I look to the sky.

A few weeks after I was forced to say goodbye, I decided to take a road trip to Lake George, NY.  I needed to get away, get out of my house, run away from myself.  As I drove it began to rain; it began to pour.  As I pulled off the exit on the Northway the rain subsided.  Always so deep in thought when I drive.  Thinking about the past, the future… always about my sweet boy.

As I drive down the windy road the sky caught my attention.  It was the most pale of pinks I have ever seen a sky be.  It was amazing!  The whole sky was just pink!  Not even a hint of blue, just completely pink.  At the same time as I noticed the sky I looked to my left and passed a family farm- “Ryan’s Country Farm”.  It was the first sign from my sweet baby.  He came to me in the sky.  I smiled; for the first time since he was gone my heart healed a little bit that day.

From that moment on, I have seen the most beautiful pink skies.  I’m not sure if I just never paid any attention to the sky before- but how could I not.  Such vibrant colors.  My beautiful angel showing me how beautiful this life can be.  I wake up in the morning and see him in the pink morning sky.  As I drive home at night, there he is again, more magnificent than ever.

My Ryan has taught me to appreciate the beauty in things I never noticed before.  Now I make it a point to take a few extra minutes every day to look at the sky.  Is my baby there today?  It amazes me how when I am in my weakest moments Ryan shows me the most gorgeous skies.

You have mommy’s attention Ryan…  tell mommy everything.