Infant Loss & Grieving

My New Life

GrievingInfant Loss / September 14, 2015 /

How do you begin your new life when you have to leave your baby behind? As all the websites I subscribed to send me congratulatory emails about my new life- I stare at them in disbelief. Where is my baby? Why does my heart feel so empty? Who am I?

I don’t recognize myself anymore. I find joy in very little. I struggle with the cruel reality that after 9 long months of growing, now I am forced to live in this empty body; a body without it’s baby held tightly in it’s arms. A baby to take away the fact that this body hurts. Recovering from my delivery physically hurts sometimes. I suppose most mothers have their babies to distract them from the pain. I am forced to face this pain with no distractions- how cruel!

What should I do with myself today? I took a walk. A mindless walk. A walk I had imagined I would be taking with my baby on this cool September afternoon. I cried. I cried because I took my walk alone.

Today hurts.