Infant Loss & Grieving

Labor and Delivery Story

GrievingInfant Loss / September 13, 2015 /

I went to my doctor’s appointment on August 24, 2015 for my weekly prenatal check-up. I was 38w2d along in my pregnancy and the hot August heat was really starting to get to me. As I sat waiting on the table I was proud of myself because I had remained pretty consistent with my weight gain, but I had a twinge of wonder as my blood pressure reading was a “little high”- I couldn’t remember the exact number the nurse gave me. The doctor came in, I had never met this doctor before but since I was seeing them every week I wasn’t as worried about getting in with my regular doctor. My appointment went fine, my little man’s heartbeat sounded great and the doctor was ready to send me on my way. Out of pure curiosity I asked the doctor what my BP was since the nurse had mentioned it was a bit on the high side; the doc fumbled around with some papers and then said “hmmm, 152/87… that is kinda high let me check again.” A second measure of 156/88, and a third measure of 156/89. She said “just to be on the safe side we are going to have you go to the local hospital to be monitored. You regular doctor happens to be on call and he is waiting for you”.

I headed to my car and tried to call my husband… no answer. See that morning I was a little annoyed with him- as I was heading off to work, he was heading off to go fishing which normally wouldn’t be a problem but the place he happened to be fishing at that day had no cell service. Being 2 weeks away from our due date, I was anxious at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of him. I passed a McDonald’s on the way- I figured they wouldn’t be feeding me anytime soon and my greek yogurt from that morning wasn’t holding back my hunger so I swung in and got myself a McGriddle sandwich. I must admit, this was my very FIRST McGriddle sandwich and I don’t know if it was the pregnancy hormones or what but my goodness I can’t figure out how I am 32 and have never had one of those before- it was delicious!

I got the the hospital, got hooked up and was told to “relax”. Needless to say it didn’t work and I continued to have high BP readings. My doctor came in and explained that being this far along in my pregnancy I was considered full term and with the BP reading I was getting he would typically just suggest inducing. He knew our situation and knew that we had to have the baby in New York City so he said he was going to get in contact with my doctors. Since there was no immediate danger to myself or my baby he sent me home to await the call from my team to hear what they want us to do. I rushed right to nail salon to get a pedicure, and was able to grab my ShopRite from Home order (hey, it’s August and I had NO PATIENTS to be running around the super market these days). As I was bringing my groceries inside we got the call, our team wanted us to come down. I got a hold of my husband and he was on his way home, so I jumped in the shower (as all the blogs suggested one does before heading to the hospital) and collected all the scattered bags I had packed for myself and the baby. We jumped in the car and started our 2+ hour journey to the New York City. We were admitted Monday night around 7pm.

Our experience was awesome! The nurses were great; the doctors were great- well minus the one that felt the need to try and manually dilate me after our initial internal exam indicated that I wasn’t dilated at all. Again, many many thanks to the nurse that insisted he stop as there was no need for him to manually do anything! I won’t bore you with the long, boring 2 days that followed after we were admitted. The real story comes the morning we delivered our angel.

At 7:15 am on Wednesday August 26th, my nurse came in and I noticed it was my overnight nurse. I casually stated “Aren’t you supposed to be off, what are you still doing here” and just as casually she responded “I still haven’t been relieved”- I remember feeling annoyed for her! She left and I drifted back to sleep. I remember being so tired that morning. Around 8:30am, I hear my door open and in she comes… Nurse Peggy. Now, nurse Peggy didn’t come in and check my information on the computer and she did not ask me how I was feeling. Nope, nurse Peggy came in and sat in our visitor chair, looks at me and says “Girl, my 20 year old niece is flying in next week. What am I supposed to do with her?!”. If I told you how the rest of the conversation went I just don’t think you would believe me! This woman was UNREAL! She came in a few different times that morning with a different story to tell- I’m not sure she asked me how I was at all that morning.

At 12:15pm the doctor came in to give me an internal examination to see how far dilated I was… 10cm!!! AND BABY WAS COMING! They wheeled us into an operating room (the baby needed a special team of doctors- read my previous post for those details), and I pushed. I was lucky, 4 pushes and less than 20 minutes later my baby was here! The doctor showed him to me but then quickly whisked him away so his team could get to work. See, due to his heart condition I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold my son because the doctor’s needed to get him to the NICU asap. I instructed my husband to snap as many pictures as he possibly could!

I heard a lot of talk, but couldn’t make out too much of what was being said. Then all of a sudden I heard it… was I dreaming?!… this wasn’t supposed to happen… in a split moment I hear crazy Nurse Peggy fighting with the doctors! Crazy- MY ANGEL- Nurse Peggy says “Nope, No way! You are not leaving this room with that baby until he has all his name tags, so you might as well give him to his momma while someone goes to get them!” In all the craziness, I guess my baby’s team forgot to get all of his security name tags. As the nurse placed my baby on my chest I whimpered. I didn’t cry, I whimpered… he was perfect and he was mine. What a cherished gift Nurse Peggy was able to give me. A gift I never thought would be possible. I held him for several minutes; my husband snaps several pictures. Though it felt like time was standing still, before I knew it my baby was back with the doctor’s and swept to the NICU and I was taken to a recovery room.

In all the craziness I like to call Nurse Peggy, she is my angel. She gave me something no one else was able to give me. I wasn’t supposed to be able to hold my son, but she gave me that gift. She gave me those memories that will forever be burned into my heart. I only got to hold my son twice before he went to heaven… and I have Crazy Nurse Peggy to thank for that.